Mary: "Did you hear something?"
Emily: "Yeah. It kind of sounded like... the last 10 Doritos I've eaten."

Mary: "No more crunchy snacks on stake-outs. Stake-outs, get it?"
Emily: "You're a regular laugh riot."
Mary: "Good, I plan to quit my day job. While putting my eggs on in one basket AND running with scissors."

Emily: "Oh my god. Do you see it? There's one rising right now... look!!"
Mary: "Where? Where???"
Emily: "Over there! It's a vampire cow!"

Mary: "I don't see it, where?!?"

Mary: "If you don't cut that out, I'm sending the ghost of Old Smokey after you. I bet he runs a lot faster when he's incorporeal."

Mary: "I wonder how many vampires rise on any given night... I'm given to understand that their lifespans are actually rather short, on average."
Emily: "I don't know about that, but I still don' t think they'd be rising in the cemetery. I mean, people get embalmed in this day and age. And then they get locked away in a concrete vault underneath 6 feet of dirt. It's just the decent thing to do when you're dead. Vampire or not, I really don't see how one would prevail in that situation."

Mary: "Maybe you're right. It's just... vampires and cemeteries... it's practically peanut butter and jelly."
Emily: "Which is weird, too, when you really think about it."
Mary: "I guess."

Emily: "Did you hear that?"
Mary: "I know, vampire cow. Let's go stake ourselves a steak!"

Emily: "Shhh! Seriously! I thought I heard something over there by the far wall..."