James: "Where-"

James: "Are your sheep?"
Mary: "What?"
James: "Your sheep, Bo Peep."
Mary: "Very funny. Where the hell have you been? And why are you in the ladies room?"
James: "Because I needed to find a lady."
Mary: "What lady? Wait… are you drunk?"
James: "No no no, nobody drank me, don't worry."

Mary: "Oh hell, you're trashed. You know, I may have been fired for breaking into the boss' office and rifling through his things, but at least I never showed up for work drunk."
James: "You should have, it makes everything much more bearable."
Mary: "I doubt that. Come on, can you stand?"

Mary: "Good, now can you stand and sing at the same time?"
James: "Oo-oh SAY CAN YOU SEE-"
Mary: "Fabulous. Laura's just going to love you. Please don't start until I'm far, far away from the stage, okay?"

Mary took James' arm and tried to lead him out the door. He stood firmly rooted in place and pulled his arm away from her.

James: "Leave me alone."
Mary: "James, what's with you? Why are you pushing away everyone who cares about you?"

Mary's heart began to race. She had been standing on the edge of a cliff for the last several months and had finally decided to jump off.

Mary: "Why are you pushing me away?"
James: "You? You never cared about me."
Mary: "That's not true. I know that I haven't always been…"
James: "Kind? Pleasant? Non-evil-bitch-from-hell?"

Mary: "That's not fair. I was never evil."
James: "Fooled me."
Mary: "Stop it. I'm trying to be serious. I'm trying to apologize for how I've treated you. I want us to be…"

Mary trailed off, unsure of how to finish the thought, unsure of what she even wanted. Her words to Emily only minutes before echoed in her head. Go for it.

Later, she would blame it on the champagne.

James: "We'll never be that, Mary."
Mary: "Why?"
James: "Because you're not my type. For one thing, you're mortal. Mortals are boring. Secondly, you're far too high strung, abrasive, rude and mean. I want to have fun. Third, your obsession with Andy and Emily and everything else that has nothing to do with you whatsoever is irritating and obnoxious. Seriously, get a life. Fourth, I don't really like redheads, and fifth, I just don't like you very much. Also, it's like all those AIDS awareness commercials say, if I get into bed with you, I'm getting into bed with Chris, and I really fucking hate that guy."
Mary: "Oh. Okay then."

Mary stood there in stunned silence as James washed his hands, splashed some water on his face and left. When the door finally closed behind him, she walked shakily to the mirror and faced herself down.

Mary: "All right. What the hell was that?"

Mary imagined her reflection giving her a sheepish look and shrugging her shoulders. She sighed, washed her own hands, and began touching up her make-up.

Mary: "What were you thinking? What possible result were you expecting? That Emily and Tristan and you and James would have a beautiful double wedding and live happily ever after? You don't even like James!"
Emily: "At least I won't be alone in my padded cell."

Mary: "Emily! Did you talk to Tristan? How did it go?"

Emily straightened up and took a deep, strong breath.

Emily: "Your advice really sucks when you're optimistic."
Mary: "Oh, Emily, I'm sorry… do you want to talk about it?"

Emily: "No. Let's just say him and Deanna are in the 'on again' phase in their relationship."
Mary: "So? You know he'd rather be with you."
Emily: "Even if that's true, and I'd like to feel a little too sorry for myself to believe that right now if you don't mind, I don't want to be with him like that. Besides, Deanna is good for him. She's… like him."
Mary: "Yes, but it still comes down to him loving you, not her. Hence the 'off again' portions of their relationship."

Emily: "Mary? No offense, but you're not helping."
Mary: "Sorry. You're right. I suck. Why the hell would you ever take my advice about relationships, anyway? Shouldn't you know better by now? Only listen to me when I'm telling you not to date people."
Emily: "Consider it a plan."

Mary: "Hey, I know what will cheer you up."
Emily: "What?"
Mary: "I tried to kiss James."
Emily: "You what? Why? What happened?"
Mary: "I tried to kiss him, I don't know why, and nothing happened. Apparently he doesn't like me, and was kind enough to provide me with a list of reasons why, ranked by priority."

Emily: "He's been kind of a jerk lately. Want me to kick his ass?"
Mary: "Nah, I'll just consider it an educational experience. James is the James I always thought he was. I don't know why I let myself believe he was more than that. Probably his stupid deep song lyrics. And the champagne. I forgot that men are capable of sounding like they have all kinds of depth when they want to get some tail."
Emily: "Mary, if that's all he wanted, why wouldn't he have kissed you back?"
Mary: "Because I'm not fun."

Emily: "That's not true!"
Mary: "It's okay, Emily. I don't need a pep talk. Just wish me luck."
Emily: "Luck for what?"
Mary: "I'm going to ask Dr. Sutherland out again."
Emily: "Mary! I don't think that's a good idea."
Mary: "I know. He thinks I'm insane, and he'll say no. And then you and I will drown our sorrows in some tequila. But I'll wear him down eventually."

Emily raised an eyebrow, momentarily too absorbed in Mary's situation to think about Tristan.

Emily: "If that's what you want to do, I won't stand in your way. Just please don't scare him into getting a restraining order on you."
Mary: "Don't worry. I'll stop just short of that."