Before she could work out what the actual problem was, Emily was sitting down next to her, the neighbor kid taking the chair at the end of the aisle next to her.

Mary: "Is everything all back to normal?"
Emily: "Yeah, I think so."

Mary was about to ask about the state of the snack table when an eerie hush fell over the room. She looked up to see a small woman standing at a podium.

Margaret: "Thank you all for coming out this evening. It's a pleasure to see so many of you again, and wonderful to see some new faces among us. I'll keep this brief because I know that many of you are anxious to meet with your employer coordinators. For those of you joining us for the first time, you won't have an EC yet, but don't worry. Just take a look at the handout that was on your chair and find a job you'd be interested in. There will be a name under each heading -- find that person and they can help you out."

Mary quickly glanced at the piece of paper she'd been absentmindedly folding and unfolding for the past five minutes, scanning the list of potential jobs. She was startled when Emily suddenly leaned in next to her and started whispering.

Emily: "Hey, there's a job at a lab! You should apply for that one!"
Mary: "What? Why?"
Emily: "You like researchy things."
Mary: "It's for a janitorial position."
Emily: "That would work as well. You like cleaning!"

Mary chose not to dignify Emily's comment with a response and instead turned her attention back to the piece of paper in front of her.

Mary: "Wow, there are a lot of night jobs on this list."
Emily: "I think it'd be sort of cool to work at night. I bet you wouldn't have to work with too many customers."
Mary: "Yeah, and I bet the ones you do come across would be really weird. Which I'm not sure is a positive thing."
Emily: "But it's a thing."
Mary: "Yes."

Margaret: "As you know, we here at the UVSN are dedicated to reaching a peaceful coexistence within this community …"

Mary cringed. The last thing she wanted to have anything to do with was a group of hippies just to pay a few bills.

Margaret: "… but there are others out there who would have us give in to our more animalistic nature, and their numbers are growing."

Mary: "Maybe I had us go to the wrong meeting. That group sounds more fun."
Emily: "If they start singing 'Kum Ba Yah,' I'm leaving and will never let you live this down."

Margaret: "A silent war is being waged as we speak. Though our numbers seem to remain steady, the sad truth is that many of our brothers and sisters have made the decision to leave us. I'm asking you all to reach out to them, to bring them back into our fold."

Emily: "OK, what the hell did you get us dragged into this time?"
Mary: "I thought it was a job fair, not a revival meeting!"

Margaret: "And since some of us would clearly like to get on with things tonight, I'll open the floor to any questions and then we can get down to business."

Mary did her best to avoid the piercing gaze of the woman at the front of the room as a woman to her left stood up.

Cathy: "Big Momma, are the rumors about Vance and Lydia true?"
Margaret: "We're not here to discuss rumors, Cathy. Things have been exaggerated, but it's always wise to be cautious when dealing with The Order."

Mary felt her attention waning as a few other people in the room stood up to ask mundane questions. She didn't notice Emily tensing next to her, instead reaching for the drink she'd sat on the chair next to her.

Emily: "Mary … Mary, we have to go. Now."
Mary: "What? Why?"

Mary was startled by the tone of her friend's whisper and wondered what she could possibly have missed.

Emily: "We just do. Trust me."
Mary: "OK, OK. Cripes. Just let me get my stuff together."

Mary went to take a drink and suddenly found the plastic cup smacked violently out of her hand.

Emily: "Don't drink that! Are you insane?"

The sudden silence in the room was deafening. Mary stared first at her friend, then at the spilled contents of her cup spreading slowly across the floor.

Mary: "I hope that fruit punch was poisoned, because otherwise we're going to look really stupid right now."
Emily: "I thought I saw a bug floating in it. Now let's go home, I think we left the oven on."
Mary: "But we had pizz-"

Suddenly, everything became crystal clear. UVSN didn't stand for 'UniVersity Social Network.' Mary was suddenly on her feet, knocking her chair over in the process. Without a second thought, she grabbed Emily by the wrist and was dragging her out toward the exit.

Emily: "Ow! Let go! Trust me, you don't have to encourage me to run!"
Mary: "We're so dead, Emily. I'm sorry!"
Emily: "We're almost to the car, keep running!"
Mary: "I can't find my keys!"

Emily: "The ones in your hand?"
Mary: "Yes. Where are they?"
Emily: "Mary, just unlock the doors!"

Mary fumbled with the keys, first setting off the panic alarm three times before finally finding the unlock button. She was tearing out of the parking lot before she realized that only a few vampires had bothered following them, and their pursuit had been more of curiosity rather than malice.

Emily: "How the hell did you manage to drag us to a vampire support group?"
Mary: "I guess I'm just talented that way."