It was almost too easy. The two vampires - what had the woman called them - Granite and Hematite? Whatever they were called, they had clearly never taken prisoners before. Or, for that matter, ever been arrested. Both of them were trying to take the lead in some sort of undead pissing match, leaving James and Mary to lag behind.

As the vampires rounded the corner, James grabbed Mary's hand and pulled her into one of the rooms they'd just finished searching. Mary didn't protest or even seem surprised. On the contrary, it seemed she'd had the same idea as James. She closed the door softly behind them. It was a guest bedroom, one of the smaller rooms in the house. Mary pulled James to the back of the room and opened the closet door.

Mary: "And no, we are not playing seven minutes in heaven."
James: "Of course not."

James pulled down one of the wooden hangers, snapped the top off and handed it to Mary - one perfect and smooth wooden stake. The smile she gave him almost made him weak in the knees - Mary didn't hand out such approvals very often, if ever, and certainly not to him.

Mary: "Why Mr. Selwyn, whatever would we need these wooden stakes for?"
James: "It's the only way to kill a rabid circus freak, you know."

He snapped a second hanger, then pulled Mary into the closet and shut the door. They both stood at the door, stakes poised and ready to be plunged into the heart of whichever vampire opened the door first.

Minutes went by. Mary's arm was starting to get tired. She transferred the stake to the other hand and waited.

More time went by. She looked up at James, frowning.

Mary: "Do you think they even noticed we're not behind them anymore?"

James shook his head.

James: "I didn't think they were that gormless..."
Mary: "Maybe they're waiting for us to come out first? We're at the advantage what with the stakes and all, even if they had a couple it's not like a wooden stake through the heart could kill a regular person... well, okay, it would, but still. It's not like they had guns. They didn't, did they?"

James chuckled, lowering his stake.

James: "No, I don't think so. We'll just have to wait them out, I suppose."

Mary broke into a coughing fit, grabbing James' shirt and pushing her face into his chest in an attempt to muffle the sound. It was almost a reflex - before he knew it he was holding her to him, one hand rubbing her back and the other on her head as her body shook. When the coughing finally slowed, she relaxed her grip on his shirt but didn't move.

James smelled really good and Mary suddenly felt like crying. She had no idea why, so she didn't. But she held onto James for a moment longer than seemed reasonable.

James: "Mary, are you okay?"

Mary shook her head, her face still buried in James' chest.

James: "What's wrong?"
Mary: "Mmmph ammph ood."

James pulled Mary's head away from him and tipped it up to him. Her eyes were rimmed with red, cheeks still flushed.

Mary: "I don't feel so good."

James: "Have you been to see a doctor yet?"
Mary: "No. It's just a cold. I have a strong immune system, I'll be fine."
James: "You can't beat everything through sheer force of will, you know."
Mary: "Yes you can. That's the only way you can beat anything."
James: "That's right, darling, only the weak seek medical assistance. Why, I knew this one guy who actually went to the hospital when his foot was severed in a tragic tricycle accident. Pathetic!"

Mary: "What happened?"
James: "To what?"
Mary: "His foot."
James: "Oh. They reattached it, and he lived a long, anguished life as an accountant."
Mary: "See? Some people just aren't meant to be saved."

James smiled at her, suddenly feeling as if the entire universe reached only to the closet door. There was nothing outside of it, there couldn't be. He kissed her on the forehead.

James: "Maybe not some people. But you're another story. You won't be an ordinary accountant - nay - you, Mary.. .what's your middle name?"
Mary: "Josephine."
James: "Josephine? You, Mary Josephine McMally, will be... a super agent of the IRS!"

Mary threw back her head and laughed.

Mary: "I suppose if I get to strike that sort of terror into the heart of every American, I'd rather live."

James: "Indeed. Far more terrifying than being an outbreak monkey. What's say you and I find the others, dispose of those vamps and get you to a doctor? There's a 24-hour urgent care a few miles out."

Mary nodded but made no move to leave the closet. She stared up at James, her eyes big and round and strangely neutral.

Mary: "I think we'd better wait a little longer, just to be on the safe side."

James looked down at her.

James: "You're probably right, wouldn't want to jump the gun..."