James: "Did the lights just flicker?"
Emily looked around, feeling ever so slightly stunned, like she'd gotten a mild electric shock. It looked to her like everyone had suddenly jumped, as if she'd been watching a movie with some of the frames taken out.
Emily: "I think so- something did."
Andy turned his attention to Emily and felt a chill. He got the vaguest impression of her slipping away from him, that she'd seen through his charade. The phantom of a feeling faded as she smiled and wrapped her arms around him, pulling herself close.
Emily: "Are you ok?"
Andy: "I'm doing much better now, angel."
Emily: "Good. You looked really upset for a second there."
Andy: "Whatever just happened was a little unnerving, that's all."
The chill lifted as she raised her lips to his and kissed him tenderly- she was still his, he was still winning this game.
Emily smiled warmly at Andy, still standing close to him. She felt like she belonged with him, that he could give her everything she could ever need as long as she stayed by his side. All her worries about the future melted away when she was with him, her past just a bad dream to be forgotten.
Tristan felt the familiar ghost of disappointment as he watched Emily and Andy. He wondered if he'd imagined making a connection with her, his calls to her forever falling on deaf ears. He wondered how long he could stand to keep up the fight, but something deep inside told him it would be worth it in the end. He didn't trust Andrew in the least, and made a promise to himself to be there for Emily when she needed him, whether or not she noticed didn't matter.
Markus: "Whoa, guys- it's after midnight!"
James: "What was in that champagne, Andy?"
Andy: "Good stuff, eh?"
Mary: "We've all just experienced the missing time phenomenon- it was aliens!"
Markus: "I say we find them and kick their asses."
Mary started to laugh, but it turned into a horrible wracking cough that didn't seem to be letting up.
James: "Mary? Are you ok?"
Mary: "I don't feel so good..."
Mary swayed on her feet, feeling the room tilting ever so slightly. James was suddenly very close to her, holding her steady.
James: "C'mon Mary Jo, there's a 24-hour urgent care a few miles out- we're going now."
Emily watched them closely, hoping her friend would for once in her life accept help from someone. She never understood why Mary felt the need to control everything all the time- what could she possibly lose? She prepared herself to help James carry her out kicking and screaming if need be.
Mary jerked away from James, a slight panic bubbling up inside her. She met James' eye and hesitated as a whisper of a feeling brushed across the surface of her mind, tickled her senses and then disappeared away, taking the panic along with it. Without a word she let him lead her down to his car. | 
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Comments
First off, I just wanted to share an anecdote. I was in Stop & Shop yesterday picking up a few things for my mum and I passed the book section while looking for a 12 items or less register and I saw some book by Dan Brown called Deception Point. I looked at it and my immediate thought was, "It's Deception PASS, moron!"
Erm. Yeah. Go me.
Anyway. This chapter.
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Now that that's out of the way, to be more specific.
WHAT A PLOT TWIST!! I was wondering what that mutated virus was going to end up doing, but killing memories was not one of my suspicions. It's a very interesting concept, exploring how the erasure of bad memories can change a person. You warned that part 7 was disturbing, but it ended up being my favorite out of all of them. (But then, I'm me. Disturbing is right up my alley. I'm a Bright Eyes fan for God's sake...) That section in particular was extremely well done, and offered a lot of insight into all of the characters' motivations. ("Ohhhhh THAT'S why Andy is the way he is!") Kudos kudos kudos!
Of course, I squeed like a fangirl at the Tristan/Emily goodness, and was very amused by Mary/James (omg JAMES'S HAIR!!!!! HAHAHAHA!), but I agree with them that "something's wrong." They're only getting together because there's been some sort of insecurity removed from their characters. I'm really interested to see how it plays out, because that's a hard thing to do, dramatically altering all of your characters mid-plot.... I have faith in you, of course. ^_^ I just hope they'll regain their memories and THEN realize they're all madly in love, because that makes it a much more satisfying victory for all us fangirls. It makes you think, though... what are we but the sum of our memories, and how much of life do we limit ourselves from as a result of being hurt?
Gah, you guys are teh fabulous!! XD
My favorite line this time around: "We had a dog with a cough like that. We had to put her down."
And I love how before James wondered if Mary was running a fever I kept looking at her and thinking something looked wrong about her face. I thought she looked like a porcelain doll, really pale with those too rosy cheeks. Then it was like James jumped into my head and thought the same thing. Your attention to detail is incredible like that. (Another example being the freckles on Emily's chest and back.) It's so easy to forget they're all simulated people with these amazingly specific details you give them. (Let's not even get started on Tristan's tattoos... *fans self*)
Loved the gang of vampires, even if their time with us was short lived. I am wondering how long Tristan and James can go before Mary and Emily figure out they're vampires too... Why don't they just tell them? Well, I guess it might be kind of traumatizing since their experience with vampires thus far hasn't been very positive, but it should be kind of like, "Heeey, we're not all bad!" Hmmm. I'm sure I'll get to see how that plays out eventually....
I'm glad Serge was out of town for this chapter. I was like, "Oh good, he's been spared the lunacy..." I also really liked how Markus seemed to get a lot more timid after forgetting his particular painful memory. Goes to show how much that experience toughened him up.
I think that's all for now. AMAZING work as always, and I am for the next chapter so I can see what happens to everyone.
XD
Other than that minor detail, I'm really glad that this chapter came across the way we wanted it to. :D
And
It could have been more fevered reading on my part than lack of clarity on your part, but making it more obvious can't hurt... but then, this is why you let other people read it -- gauging their reactions lets you tweak details and make the story the strongest it can be. (Can you *tell* I'm a writing major yet? :P Gah... so many workshops...)
And seriously, Dan Brown has no right. Deception Pass is clearly better than Deception Point. Not that I have any idea what his novel is about, but yeah.
I hate it when that happens. I was working on a novel when I was 16 called Out of Sight, and shortly after I started it was horrified to learn that title was already the name of a movie with George Clooney and Jennifer Lopez in it. *facepalm*
And my newest story is tentatively titled Blackbird (I really suck at titles), and like last week was rooting about a pile of books my mum's friend had lent her, and sure enough found some sort of memoir titled Blackbird. GAAAH. Can't win.
Maybe I'll change it to something like The Blackbird Chronicles because that sounds more fun anyway. Heh...
I bet Dan Brown hasn't even been to the real Deception Point (I think it may have something to do with the arctic or something?)- at least I can say I've actually been to Deception Pass!
The Blackbird Chronicles is a good name. ^_^