Chris: "Mary, love muffin! Come here and give me a kiss!"

Mary: "Do that again and you're dust. This house is filled with lots of pointy wooden objects."

Mary's voice was a harsh whisper, hardly audible to Chris at all, as she grabbed him by the hand and led him into the living room.

Chris: "Sounds like you really do need a man."

Emily just stared, halfway between tasks, as the two walked past the kitchen. What the hell was going on?

Mary: "Mom, dad, everyone- this is my boyfriend-"

Mary stopped dead, realizing with horror she had no idea what her kidnapper's name was. She fumbled around in her brain for a name and found nothing.

Chris: "Chris Peterson."
Caroline: "It's a pleasure to meet you, Chris! I had no idea my daughter was seeing anyone!"
James: "No idea at all..."

Mary: "Chris has been in Europe for the last month and a half- I wasn't expecting him back for another week at the earliest."
Chris: "I couldn't stand to be away from you any longer, love. Paris is a dull and lifeless city without you by my side."

James rolled his eyes while Markus & Tristan exchanged a look.

Joseph: "So Chris, what sort of work do you do that has you off in Europe for months at a time? You a military man?"
Chris: "No, sir- I'm an entrepreneur of sorts. I do a lot of freelance advertisement work."

Joseph: "You should talk to Mr. Stone! I bet he could hook you up with all sorts of opportunities in the area."
Andy: "I'll get your number before we leave tonight- I'm sure we have a lot to talk about."

Mary: "Isn't that great, sweetie? Maybe you'll finally be able to get a new car."

Emily: "Yeeeeeeeeeegads!"

James: "Is it fighting back, Emikins?"
Emily: "Hamster!"
Tristan: "I thought we were having lobster…"

Mary suddenly lept back as a very mangy yet oddly familiar looking hamster ran through the living room, circling once before bolting for the dining room.

Caroline: "My goodness- that looks a lot like Scruffy did! Do you remember that hamster, Mary?"

Mary responded with an absentminded nod, exchanging a worried glace with Emily. She watched Emily's face change as the realization of what was happening sank in, going from utter shock at having a hamster run across her feet to a twisted mass of disbelief and exhaustion mixed with a touch of amusement.

Emily: "Mary, I just can't keep cooking knowing that's in here. Why don't you and I go see if we can find it."
Mary: "Yes, let's!"

Emily: "Mary, that hamster didn't just look like Scruffy, that hamster was Scruffy. I told you not to bury him in that cemetery!"
Mary: "I didn't! Not after the atrocious spelling job on the sign! I buried him in the side yard- how could you forget the funeral we held?"
Emily: "There he is!! In the corner! Grab it!!"

Mary dove after the now slowly ambling rodent, catching it with relative ease. She held it up to the light to get a better look at it, marveling at the amount of stench coming off its tiny body.

Mary: "Blaugh! This is so gross! But it's definitely Scruffy- he's got the missing left ear!"
Emily: "Assuming it didn't drop off somewhere between the living and dining room. Here, stick it in this shoe box."

Mary and Emily sighed heavily, their task now complete.

Emily: "Can you put that outside, please? The smell might ruin dinner."