Emily carefully placed the box into the grave and bowed her head.

Emily: "Dearly beloved, we are gathered here today to celebrate the life - er, the brief, second unlife - of Scruffy the Zombie Hamster. Mary, would you like to say a few words?"

Mary cleared her throat and looked up at the sky.

Mary: "Scruffy was a good pet. In his first life, he brought much joy. He was a real trooper when I hid him in Mom's Gucci bag, and although he didn't come back from that mission alive, he will always be remembered for the heroic way he was able to cause much screaming. In his second.. unlife, he once again was up to his same, good old tricks. We only wish they could have lasted longer. Only with less…. odiferousness. Emily? Any words?"

Emily: "Scruffy truly was a hero. He was the harbinger of zombies to come, and without that strange warning, we may have wasted precious moments trying to figure out what was with the reanimated dead bodies on the lawn before we… ran and hid. Mary, would you like to say the prayer?"

Mary: "Of course. Now we lay him down to sleep, um, again, and pray the lord his soul to keep, and, uh… we pray the lord his soul to take so that he doesn't wake. Again."

Emily took a handful of dirt and sprinkled it on Scruffy's grave.

Emily: "Ashes to ashes, dust to dust… hey, do you think we ought to cremate him? You know, just in case?"
Mary: "While that may be wise, I really don't think I could bring myself to set my pet hamster on fire."

Emily nodded and knelt down next to the headstone. With a black marker, she entered new dates onto Scruffy's headstone to signify his second brush with life. The two of them stood there in silence. The breeze brought a slight chill, the beginnings of autumn, but neither made a move to go inside.

Emily: "So… do you really think it was wise pretending the vampire who kidnapped you was your boyfriend?"
Mary: "Hey, I don't criticize your boyfriends. Okay, I do, but… no, it was incredibly stupid. It's my mother. Desperate grandmother-wannabes call for desperate measures. Just be thankful I didn't go with Plan A."
Emily: "What was Plan A?"
Mary: "Telling her you and I are lesbian life partners."
Emily: "Well, there's always next time."

Emily put her arm around Mary and they headed back inside.